How to be a good husband or wife? RANT..

I’ve been noticing people spending a lot of time on Internet discussing tips and techniques on how to be a good husband/wife as per Islamic teaching. When I read them, I sense that these tips are very formulaic, simplistic and also of a questionable value.

How did the Muslims arrive at the formula for being good spouses?

Most probably someone heard from someone who heard from someone who also heard from someone who heard from another.

I’ve always felt that you are either a good person or you are not. If you are a good human being then you can most certainly become a good husband/wife regardless of your faith. But what if you are not?

Since you are who you are; I’m not entirely sure you can change your personality that easily.

Most of the items in the checklist can be arbitrary and of a questionable value. Here’s an example

Muslim Checklist for Good husband and wife
Item 1: Good Islamic husband will buy his wife an apple a day.
Item 2: Good and obedient Islamic wife will only eat chocolates on Friday.

The real challenge is to figure out why these items made the list.

The second challenge would be to see if these items are effective in your life. If you think these tips are effective, then how have you been measuring them? If not, then why not?